The Bottom of the Heap

Tangent: Prologue

I can't do simple introductions. It's always been a problem. The first sentence of my dissertation was the hardest to write, and probably the one that got edited the most. I never know how to begin a good e-mail or a letter or a birthday card, and it's hard to make people understand: a card containing "To Jessica (I'd write more than that, but this was all I could think of)" doesn't go down very well, especially when you realise that Jessica doesn't have any sense of irony.

So let me just say how grateful I am for the fact you've gotten this far. I apologise if you don't like this. I'm not nearly this much of a douche in real life. Well, not entirely this douche-ish. I do have douchey moments, but generally this is just my over-the-top writing style. Which is pretty douchey. And tangent-riddled. Okay, focus. Apology: end.

Here goes.

This, for lack of a better way of introducing myself, is me:

At this point in time, I am drunk. Kind of. Not only drunk, but I'm in a photo booth, in Glasgow Central train station, at 6am, trying to look pretty and keep my eyes from closing as the camera goes. This is not easy. This was attempt number five.

The thing about getting your photo taken is that you've got so much to think about. How big does my hair look? Smile a bit, but not like you're trying. Keep your head at a slightly downward angle. Look at the camera thoughtfully. Pensively, even. What is wrong with your nose?! Okay, so lift your head a little. There! Now...smile...

"If you wish to take your photo again..."

You have a lazy eye. Fix it. Smile more next time, you just look pissed off. Hair: Disney-Prince-like (in your dreams). Collar: fixed. Head: angled. Eyes: smiling. Remember what Tyra taught you!

And that's when you realise: you really need to get some acting work. Because you have self-indulgence overload.

I left University two year ago this Summer, with a top second-class BA (with Honours - very important, means nothing) in Drama. While I was there I did all sorts of things - sometimes I even studied. But mostly I acted. We'll get into all of this later, but for now, all you need to know, is that in three years I performed nearly 30 different productions. Some of it might've even been good! And if not, everyone does some crap at some point (and that's how I sleep at night). Anyway, mini-success. Big-ish fish, small-ish pond, bright-ish future

Two years on. Paid work, lead roles, my own place!

*cough*

Sorry. Amateur work, supporting roles, living with my mother.

Two years dipping in and out of acting, focussing more on getting a real job to fund a relocation (somehow it seems that London might have more acting work, which is strange, because London's tiny!). But now, I'm realising I can start now, while I'm still making the (very little) money.

And THIS, my friends, is what gets us to the whole point of this blog. I have the ambition, and the talent, and the drive. I'm even getting to the stage now where (thanks to muchos running) I'm on my way to having the body. But none of it is quite there yet. It needs to be organised! Documented! Told to strangers!

So I'm setting myself a challenge: 

To get my first REAL paid acting job by July 17th 2011 - exactly three years after my graduation.

To do this, I'm going to try everything. Classes, networking, amateur work, talent websites, short films, student productions, begging, borrowing, stealing (though what I'd steal and who from is anyone's guess). Just one fully paid acting job, in less than 11 months. And I'm going to do it.

After that, we'll see about getting regular work.

Gosh I'm scared.